Musings of a 24/7 chastity slave and cuckold, in a truly wonderful, humbling female-led marriage with my beautiful wife & keyholder. I'm a Tumblr expat. Another casualty of the Great Tumblr Ban of Sanity and Adult Content, 2018.
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This quote from my wife remains one of the most profound things she's ever said to me, in helping me through moments of cuckold angst and jealousy when she was with her first regular bull. It was part of a much larger conversation we had about a video she and her bull were kind enough to make for me. I'd gotten choked up at the sight of her hungrily devouring and gagging on his cock for 15 minutes straight, pausing to acknowledge how jealous she knew seeing it would make me, and then telling him that she loved his cock and couldn't help it, and picking right back up where she'd left off. She occasionally takes me in her mouth, but but not like that, and she was right, it hit me pretty hard. ESPECIALLY hearing her acknowledge that to him, and then getting over it and going right back to it. I'm not usually as emotionally delicate about our adventures these days as I was at the time, but it's still a thought I repeat to myself here and there.
I'm not a self-loathing man and I don't worry that I'm not a good partner to my wife. We've been together for more than half her life. Even from a sexual standpoint, I know she values me, and the journey we take together. But there are absolutely things she does with others, that she's never been inspired to do with me. I've been asked stuff like, "doesn't that make you jealous?" Dudes in forums have told me stuff like, "I'd leave my wife if she didn't do those things for me, too. You should man up and give her an ultimatum."
First of all, of course it makes me jealous. But the thing is, if I said, "you're gonna do those things for me, too," and she decided to try, it wouldn't be the same. What makes witnessing it so powerful is that it's a primal reaction in her, not a conscious decision. She's not doing it because she cares for other partners more than she cares for me. She's doing it because of unbridled lust. She's getting to explore the feelings she makes me feel all the time: a genuine and carnal desire to submit to and please a dominant partner. If I tried to demand more sex, it wouldn't magically become the same kind of sex she has with dudes with dominant energy, who are endowed with twice my size (or more in some cases) and spend half their time either in the gym or practicing fucking. What kind of selfish partner sees the person they love more than anything experiencing such a powerful, ecstatic release, and says, "nope! I don't want you to ever get to feel that at all, because you can't get it from me?" To those people who tell me to "man up," I answer that I'm man enough to make sure my wife gets everything she wants. I know this isn't for everyone, but part of me always wants to tell them maybe THEY should man up, and learn to be secure in their relationships without making a bunch of demands or limitations on their partners.
Fortunately, I get a huge amount of pleasure and reward from compersion. Seeing her in ecstacy can be truly and physically orgasmic for me. And as I've said many times, this kind of play has probably quadrupled her libido and interest in sex talk with me. Her submissive explorations make her a better and more understanding Domme with me, and I get to regularly witness and experience things with my wife that most men can only fantasize about their wives doing. So reminding myself what she said that night has been a really powerful tool for getting myself back on track, when the cuck/humiliation play gets a bit deeper than other times. Her question is a much more concise way to summarize why we've chosen this path, and if it wasn't intentionally rhetorical, it may as well have been. I'm super grateful to have gotten to know this blindingly vibrant side of the woman I love, that may never have been known to us otherwise. I haven't lost anything, we've both only gained.